Before being a follower of Jesus Christ we had certain views
on life around us. We all have a perspective on sex. We have a perspective on
politics. And we have our own personal philosophy on how to live life. Then you
become a follower of Jesus Christ and you bring all these perspectives with you
into this new life. These are part of you. They are not separate compartments
inside of you. They filter how you look at life on this earth. However, when
you change from living the life apart from Jesus to living a life as a follower
of Jesus you begin to want to change things in your life. These particular
perspectives need to be put under the microscope of the Word of God to
determine if they can stay the same or must change.
Practically speaking, as we continue to sojourn on this
earth, in these bodies, these changes typically go from imperfection to less imperfection.
Usually it’s a gradual change, sometimes it’s an immediate change and then
there is every degree of change in-between. The main idea is change and this
change being in the right direction. True perfection will not be attained until
we receive our new resurrected bodies. Until then we are on a journey forward
towards perfection. Never to be attained this side of heaven however always
moving closer to it.
The sexual morality debate has been going on throughout
recorded history. There are those who want no rules when it comes to sexual
behavior. There are those who want some rules when it comes to sexual behavior,
although defined subjectively. Then there are those who really want the right
rules when it comes to sexual behavior. For this we will look at what the Bible
teaches us about the sexual side of human beings.
Before someone becomes a follower of Jesus Christ, typically
their views on sex are the result of the culture around them. These views are
typically shaped by one’s home environment, the people they hang out with and
what the media communicates. Now there is overlap between the world’s view of
sex and the biblical view of sex. Typically in our culture, within the United
States of America, cheating on someone is considered to be wrong. Meaning that
two people who have come together to form a monogamous relationship, if one of
them seeks a sexual partner outside of this relationship against the will of
their partner this is typically considered wrong behavior.
One thing that must be understood in all its clarity is that
it doesn't matter if you are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or poly-amorous
we all stand before God condemned as sinners apart from Jesus Christ. Whatever
your sexual perspective is these reflect what’s in your heart. When a person
becomes a follower of Jesus Christ our whole being is given over to him. That
includes what we do, our talents, our strengths, all that we are or could ever
hope to be are set before Jesus Christ to be the master of them all. Under the
light of the gospel of Jesus Christ we can determine what our sexual views are:
a prison, a thirst that is never quenched or a joyous aspect of life that is
not measured by how many orgasms we have. It is not measured by what kind of
sexual thought life we have. It is not measured by what the culture around us
has determined what is manly or what is feminist.
In the culture of the United States the underlying
philosophy of life that drives the culture of sex is “to each their own”. On
television and in magazines there is a proliferation of ways to increase your
sexual prowess and a urging of individuals to claim their sexual rights. These,
so called, sexual rights are used like political footballs. Our culture says, “If
you can get the upper hand sexually on the other person do it, therefore they
will be depended upon you for the gratification.” By this kind of philosophy
one person is above another. This is the model of what a winning sexual
relationship looks like in the world. And within this model the exchanges are
done through contracts and conditions with the constant threat of sex being
withheld. This kind of relationship also gives birth to a constant war for
control in this and other aspects of human life. The bible teaches us to esteem
others as above you. The world says take the high ground so that you can be
above others and thereby use people as your own personal stepping stones to
satisfy your personal agenda.
If you are living for this life only then there really are
no sexual barriers other than what two or more people agree on. This would be
considered a worldly perspective. However, when you become a citizen of the
kingdom of God through the person of Jesus Christ your views on how you live
your life change. Because, as followers of Jesus Christ we understand that we
don’t live for this life only. There is a life outside of ourselves, which is
more than what our senses can take in. That is why Jesus said that a person
must be born again if they want to see that life which exists apart from our
five senses. Unless your spiritual eyes are opened sexual boundaries are a
foreign idea and something to be resisted. Unless the Holy Spirit gives birth
to our spirit sexual boundaries are ambiguous and ever shifting. It is this
citizen of the kingdom of God, with the help of the person of the Holy Spirit,
which is able to make judgments about how a child of God should live within the
body of Christ and the world around them.
Paul tells us in the book of Ephesians that a husband is to
love his wife even to the point of laying down his life for her. Wives are to
respect and follow the lead of their husbands. (Eph 5) The Bible also teaches
us that in this marriage covenant relationship that the spouse’s body belongs
to the other spouse and that sexual intimacy is not to be withheld as a weapon
to emotionally manipulate the other spouse into doing their will. There is a
time and a place for withholding but that’s arrived at by mutual consent. (1
Cor 7) Sexual relationships and sexual activity are only condoned within a
heterosexual monogamous marriage covenant for life. The Bible tells us that
marriage is good. It is the first institution among people that was started by
God. We see in Genesis that God called it good. However, so is celibacy. (1 Cor
7) As followers of Jesus Christ we should avoid all forms of sexually immoral
behavior with our bodies. But, it doesn't stop there. God says your thought
life about sex or what we call today fantasies must be brought before the cross
and examined.
People with a worldly perspective will do all they can to
dismiss biblical sexual morals. They will use terms like outmoded, repressive,
unscientific, preposterous, arbitrary and contrary to how humans have lived
throughout recorded history. As followers of Jesus Christ we understand that
this would be a perspective from the world. We should not be offended however,
we cannot back down if we claim that Jesus is truly the Lord of our life. We understand
from an experiential point of view (because we've been there, done that) that
humanity is broken and because it is broken its wisdom's and philosophies are
broken. This would include it’s philosophies of sexual behavior.
Romans 1:32 (NIV) Although they know God's righteous decree
that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these
very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Sometimes as Christians we don’t want to give up certain
aspects of our life. And we think of ways to justify our sexual behaviors. We
might say that the word of God is about the spirit of the law not so much the
letter of the law and that the bottom line is really “love”. Someone might say,
“I could tell people about Jesus in bed or on the subway that’s what really
matters.”
Some of the consequences of engaging in sexual behavior
outside of the parameters that God is established will impacted are: feelings
of anxiety, fear, and confusion. (The bible tells us the author of confusion is
Satan.) Which means that you are not experiencing God’s presence of peace in
your life. The energizing life of the Holy Spirit is diminished in your life. You
begin to see the reality of what the writer of Psalms said, “If I had cherished
sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;” (Psalms 66:18 NIV) For a
follower of Jesus Christ this is a terrible place to be.
Jesus wants to be that person who you trust in and rely on
for peace and happiness and satisfaction. And it is through the agent of the
Holy Spirit that he helps us to overcome and move forward not backwards in our
walk with God and each other. Maintaining that forward progress is not a result
of some magical compelling power but a result of choosing, an act of the will.
This results in maintaining the presence of God in your life. It is better to
be a slave to God than a slave to our passions that come from our sinful human
nature. Peter writes that a person is a slave to whatever has mastered him. (2 Peter
2:19) Before Christ I was a slave to my sexual thoughts, my sexual motivations
and my sexual actions. It’s kind of like that person who wants to give up
smoking and they make that statement, “I can stop anytime I want.” But they
never really do. My views on sex controlled me and my behavior therefore I was
a slave to that.
Most people enter into a sexual relationship not for the
purpose of releasing sexual tension, because masturbation can do that, but to overcome
a sense of loneliness or isolation. We use sex as a means to overcoming
loneliness. The world tells us it’s the best way to temporarily find something
that “looks like” a committed caring communicating relationship. It is nothing
but a feeble attempt to find something that no human being could give, perfect
love in a committed relationship that will not fade. There is this emptiness
that resides in each and every person. Solomon says that eternity is been
placed in every person’s heart. Pascal says that we all have a God shaped void
that’s longing to be filled. Jesus said, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to
me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of
living water will flow from within him.” (John 7:37-38 NIV) This living water
will quench every thirst that comes from the soul of the human. The true
answers to life’s loneliness is found in that which cannot be shaken, on a rock
that is mightier than any mountain, in a well that will never run dry, in the
person of Jesus Christ alone.
Typically if a Christian is engaging in sexual immoral
behavior with another person they might get a commitment and some communication
in the beginning however, it will not last. The relationship starts off with an
explosion of romantic feelings. Along with those feelings comes a sense of
connection however, this would soon fade into emptiness and repetition. It
becomes a relationship that’s just going through the motion and emotions. These
relationships eventually become strung along. Games are played. Eventually one would
leave. Then there would be some kind of internal mental gymnastics that gets
you to set goals that the next relationship will be better. It usually isn't.
We begin to learn
that the feelings of loneliness and isolation that we’re so desperate to avoid do
not disappear, even when we are shacked up with someone or pretending to be
married. You could be lying in bed with someone, that is sound asleep, and you
are feeling like the loneliest person in the world. People experience this in
crowded rooms. The person next to you probably wanted the same things as you
did. They wanted communication, be cared for, and an unshakable commitment.
When people spend their energy and time to get this from the other person the
result is we end up with even less and the loneliness is uncovered. It never really
went away. It was just swept under the rug, so to speak. The relationship
between a man and a woman was never meant to be fueled under our own power. The
real fuel is Jesus in the center of each person’s life individually 1st
and then within the context of marriage Jesus becomes number 1 in that
relationship.
If sexual contact before marriage is not God’s will for
someone who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ than what’s wrong with masturbation.
The Bible doesn't address the topic of masturbation directly. Because of that
some Christians say that it is an acceptable safety valve. Before this becomes
an acceptable safety valve one issue must be addressed. What is your thought
life or what are your fantasies? The mental images that take place are thoughts
that usually produce lust. Lustful thoughts according to Jesus on the Sermon on
the Mount tells us that they are equal to committing the act itself.
Masturbating for the reasons of a good safety valve or
practice for when you enter into the marriage covenant will damage that sexual
part of your human nature that God wants you to bring into that marriage
covenant. That’s probably most of us. That’s why we have such an amazing God.
He can repair ALL things. I’m not saying he will. I’m just saying we need to ask
Him. God wants his people to come together intact and not damaged.
Our 1st sexually aroused experiences can
condition our behavior when it comes to sex in the future. Sexual feelings
attached themselves to that thing that is causing the stimulation. If repeated
enough times it can become something that is essential in order to experience
sexual satisfaction in the future. For example, a boy experiencing his 1st
sexual stimulation while seeing women’s underwear. When he wants to experience
that same euphoria he conjures up women’s underwear to aid him while he
masturbates. Eventually after a multitude of events as described he begins to
find he cannot be sexually aroused unless he has women’s underwear around. This
is not sexual freedom this is sexual bondage. This is the danger of
masturbation or pre-marital sex. These stimuli become imprinted on that part of
our soul that deals with our sexual nature. Sexual freedom is experiencing sex
within God’s design. We humans, when we try to do it outside of God’s design
really mess things up.
Now what happens is that the fantasies becomes a type of
sexual reality. Then when reality comes along it will never be as good as the
fantasy. You begin to look for the perfect experience but only find a disappointing
experience. This will definitely go against what the world says. However, a
matter of fact, going into the marriage bed sexually naïve will produce a
relationship where sex is not just an event, and you’ll probably experience
more of a reliably mutual mental, emotional and physical satisfaction.
If you are a follower of Jesus Christ you just have to ask
yourself do you want more of God’s spirit, than temporary physical pleasure.
Is God as good as his word? Is he the God of history? The
history of the world and each born again follower of Jesus Christ? Do you
believe that God desires to work all of life’s realities, both pleasant and
unpleasant, in a Christian’s life were the end result is to bring glory to God
and to be more like Jesus for all eternity?
If the answer is yes then we don’t want to miss out on any
of the good things that he has in store for us, even if it means sometimes
doing spiritual exercises when it would be easier to grab onto an immediate
pleasant moment of satisfaction in order to evade or postpone some boring task
or anxiety provoked commitment. There are moments when we believe our solutions
are better than God’s but those are just moments and they will pass with the
help of the Holy Spirit. We must abandon the worldly view of sex and allow God
to replace that view with his wisdom and love.
Jesus came to give us life and to give it to us more
abundantly than what this world could ever do. Sexuality is not bad. God
created sex. He created the feelings of sexual arousal. He only asked that we
trust him with that part of our life. Just like we would trust him with our
material wealth, our employment, the friends we make and even our family
members. We must release the old so that we may receive the new. He wants to
pour new wine into new wine skins.
Thank you V. Mary Stewart
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